Upon arrival of the first ray that marked Apollo`s daily yet strangely boring journey across the curvature of the then-cuboidal planet from whence Males and Females arose, Ellipsoides the Great, opened his eyes manually. Since this is an epic, this humble philosopher shall at once commence exploration of this particular instance.
Ellipsoides was of no woman born. No womb could withstand the girth and curvature of this Great Being. He was naturally sprouted from a bed of gourds, an enchanted bed of gourds that were sprinkled with the Seed of Zeus Himself when said Wielder of the Thunderbolt mistook a particularly ripe gourd for the posterior of a nymph. Spake Zeus after realization of situation, “My gyrations shall not be in vain. Let this humble vegetable be with child. Let child be vegetative, but let him Think.” Clearly, Zeus` inability at this moment to say “vegetation” instead of “vegetative” would be noted in the next Meeting of the Fates, and that this costly slip of the Godly Tongue would provide amusement for the Sisters.
Child was borne of great mass which engulfed the sacred bed of gourds, thereby destroying it. Thus, it is at birth that this great being committed its first harvest of life. Zeus lovingly named him Ellipsoides the Fat. It is generally assumed that Ellipsoides changed his own name in a paralegal manner (since the notion of legality would not be discussed until the dawn of the Humans) numerous times throughout history. This philosopher will attempt to trace the scarce record to the best of his skill.
This particular morning, Ellipsoides, still a growing child of only two hundred years, was attempting to Open His Eyes. He thrust out a colossal hand, one dripping with flesh in order to roll back the congealed masses of _______ that were engulfing and suffocating his eye sockets (it is unclear how best to describe the masses, since they were laden with so much Fat, Skin, Hair and other follicular processes that even history is left gaping). With each thrust of the Gourdy Paw, Ellipsoides generated tides across the folds of his frame. One year later, this heroic effort was rewarded in a climactic display, as his eyes triumphantly shot out into visibility, the orgy complete.
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